Blog, Growth, Mindfulness

Hello darkness, my old friend.

I see you darkness. I feel your old familiar tug, doing what you can to pull me down into your abyss. It’s tempting, no doubt. But I have a choice. I see now that I have a choice. Before, when you sent shame, guilt and regret to the front line to beat down my defences I was powerless to their force.

Not now. Now, I see the space between me and them. I feel my strength, I know my ability and I sense my worth. I no longer believe that they’re inherently interwoven facets of my identity. You made them look like they were ‘me’ before, darkness – you had me going there for a while! But I see now, darkness, I see the truth and clarity.

You’re still tempting, darkness – don’t worry, you haven’t lost your appeal. In a different time and space you’d have me weak on my knees. You’re just asking a different person now. I’ve grown, you see, darkness.

We won’t fight, darkness, there’s nothing to fight over. You do your thing, I won’t demand you stop. I know underneath it all you’re just scared an in need of attention. But I can’t let you feed off my light, my darling, and if I accept your invitation to go down with you, you’ll instantly consume all I radiate and suck me dry of my sparkle and love. Instead, I’ll watch. I’ll sit with you. I’ll still give you my attention, darling darkness, but it will be from my side and it will be on my terms. I won’t let you steal my light, but I’ll gladly offer to send you some instead.

My terms, darkness. My terms.

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