Our deepest fear…
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. ~Marianne Williamson
This. This is it, this is what cripples so much of humanity; this fear of showing up in the fullness of who we truly are. Play small, stay safe, right? That way no one can judge us or reject or ridicule us. In theory, it’s a great way to protect ourselves; in truth, a sure-fire way to suffocate under the weight of our own unutilised potential and find ourselves living a life that’s unfulfilled and completely misaligned with the essence of our soul.
So, so, so many times in my life when I showed my fullness, dared to shine my light, I was ripped to shreds, cut back down to size. Bullied. Mocked. Intimidated. Physically hurt. Turns out, people don’t like when you’re good at things. When you shine your light and it gets in people’s eyes, you learn pretty quickly not to shine at all. Dim yourself, reduce your wattage, adapt, morph, fit in, so as not to offend anyone.
Bull. Fucking. Shit.
ENOUGH. Enough of us playing small and fitting in. Enough of us diminishing who we are to accommodate others. Each and every single one of us has light and brilliance within and we each have not only a right, but a DUTY to show up in the fullness of all that we are. That was part of the deal, it was on the curriculum we agreed to and if we ignore it, we do so at our peril.
This week, I went on an intensive actor training course and it was genuinely excruciating. Perfectionism, unworthiness, self-criticism, and most terrifyingly of all, the fear of actually being good and therefore being ripped down to size as a result, were all in the arena with me. All of it. Some days, I wanted to run out the door and hide under a rock. But I stayed, and kept showing up. Vulnerable, exposed, raw, self-conscious and fearful.
Like most experiences that are challenging and push us beyond our comfort zones, it gave back in spades through the rich personal and performance related growth and has ignited a deep desire and calling within to go further with it all.
Performance is something that I’m slowly realising is not just an interest, but a core element of my being that I’ve completed repressed for so very long. (Safe, right?!) Some time back in one of my mindfulness courses, a gorgeous woman who had been attending came up to me after class and said, I wonder how much of depression is actually repression? How right she is, because when we have a truth and a light that is craving the chance to shine, and all we do is push it down, push it down, push it down…at some point that energy is going to need release, and if we won’t allow it freedom of expression, it will show up in far more toxic and destructive ways.
So here’s what I’m saying to you: there’s something that is within you that you know in the deepest fibres of your being needs to be expressed. You know what it is. And maybe, like me, you learned that the world doesn’t like when you shine – you need to shine anyway. Show up. Be real. Honour your truth. Express all that’s in the core of your being and longing to be brought out into the light.
And things I’ll tell you that I’ve told myself many times this week:
– You have a right to be here.
– You have a right to shine.
– You are enough.
– It’s ok to be imperfect…perfection is overrated fuckery.
– I love you.
Shine on 💖